So 2019 is officially over and we are now entering 2020. 2019 was a really weird but also really good and I’m still not completely sure how to feel about it. There were some seriously shitty moments, but also some really great moments. I feel like 2019 was the year where I discovered a lot about myself and my comfort zone and I really saw my growth throughout these past twelve months. I did things that I never thought I would do and even though not everything turned out the way I wanted it to, I don’t regret a single decision I made this year. I have no idea what 2020 will hold, but I’m ready to put on a brave face and conquer whatever the world throws at me.
So let’s take a look at what happened in 2019 and what I hope for in 2020!
2019
- CEGEP: In May I graduated from the two year program that is required in Quebec before you can go to University. CEGEP was really really hard for me, but despite all my struggles, I grew tremendously throughout these past two years; both as a student and as a person. Even though I was glad to leave, I can’t help but look back at my time with fondness.
- Public Speaking: This was my last semester TAing for a public speaking class( which was hands down the highlight of my college career) and I’m so grateful for the confidence that this experienced allowed me to have. I came out of CEGEP with a much stronger voice and I am forever grateful that public speaking allowed me to build the skills I always felt I was lacking in.
- Paris: As a graduation present to myself I went to Paris at the end of May which was a little terrifying at first, but once I got the hang of it, it was super fun. I’m so thankful that I have the resources to do something like that and I will treasure those ten days forever. Seeing the paintings that I’ve studied in person was mind-blowing and it was honestly just so cool.
- Camp: In the months of June, July and August I worked at a summer camp for underprivileged youth. I was a camp counselor in 2018 as well, but that was one of the worst experiences of my life. Against my better judgment, I decided to try a different camp and I’m honestly so glad that I did. Working at a sleepaway camp is literally the most insane job ever and the amount of times I broke down was astronomical. I had some incredibly difficult children and I woke up pretty much every day wanting to quit, because the pay was dismal and the days were long and exhausting. Despite all that, it was one of the best experiences of my entire life. The people I met were extraordinary. The campers that didn’t bite me and spit in my face were absolute angels. And the natural beauty was to die for. I challenged myself daily in ways I never could have imagined. For the first time in my life, I didn’t overthink: I just acted. This led to some questionable life decisions, but I wouldn’t change anything that happened this summer. In the months that have followed, I exited the camp haze and reality hit which means that anxiety finally kicked in. So for the past four month I have been overanalyzing literally everything. But despite all that, I don’t regret anything and despite all the things that made the experience almost hell-like, I literally cannot stop thinking about going back. This was hands down the best part of 2019.
- Shawn Mendes: In August, me and my sister saw Shawn Mendes live. After Taylor Swift, he is my favorite artist so this concert was something that we were looking forward to for months. We were content with shitty nose-bleed tickets but the most wildest thing happened. We were sitting in our seats when this guy approached us, saying that he worked for Shawn Mendes and that he was giving us floor tickets. My sister was skeptical but I thought “what the heck” and HE LED US TO FRONT ROW TICKETS. WE WERE AGAINST THE GATE. SHAWN MENDES WAS TEN FEET AWAY FROM ME AND HE LOOKED AT ME. It was the most insane experience of my entire life and I still can’t believe that it actually happened.
- University: In September I started university at McGill. I’m majoring in Secondary English Education. University isn’t quite what I expected and the further I go along my educational journey, the more I’m convinced that higher-education is merely an elitist and classist concept that is lorded over those who can’t afford the privilege. Despite that, this semester was pretty decent. I started writing for one of the school’s newspapers which was really fun and the first time that I’ve really written non-fiction outside of school so that was really interesting.
- NanoWriMo: This November I did Nano for the first time since 2015. I did at a time when all my assignments were due, I was on a three week internship and I was actually kind of of being social for once, so it wasn’t the best time to commit to writing a novel. I didn’t end up writing 50k, but I made a lot of progress with my story and I’ve been working on it ever since. I’m really proud of what I’ve written so far and it’s honestly one of the most cohesive and narratively coherent drafts I’ve ever written which is really exciting.
- Mental Health: As has been the case for the past two and half years, my mental health has been…. bad to say the least. It seems that no matter what I do my anxiety will always control my life and depression will come and go as it pleases. However this year I finally did the smart thing and started seeing a therapist regularly. I’m still struggling a lot, but it’s nice to have a place where I can just unload it all. Also this year, I made a revelatory discovery about myself. One of the friends I made at camp is on the autism spectrum and during camp he had asked if I was also on the spectrum because I was having meltdowns left and right. I told it him it was just social anxiety but him asking triggered a curiosity in me, something that I had never looked into before. And for the past four months or so, I’ve been researching the topic and though I can’t be 100% certain, I think I’m on the spectrum. It makes a lot of things much more clearer and illuminates why I experience the world in the way I do. I don’t think I’m going to seek out an official diagnosis, but having this bit of information in the back of my head really helps to put things into perspective which I’m really grateful for.
2020
Personal Life: I really don’t know what this year will hold for me, but I just hope that I’ll be able to survive to the best of my capabilities. I’ve learnt to not get my hopes up, but I just want to try to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be. Here’s to 2020 being the year that I am finally capable of being comfortable with who I am.
How Was Your 2019? What Are Your Goals for 2020? Let Me Know in The Comments Down Below!
The Book Thief Without Words 