The Year That Has Passed and The Year That Has Yet To Come: 2019 Edition

So 2019 is officially over and we are now entering 2020. 2019 was a really weird but also really good and I’m still not completely sure how to feel about it. There were some seriously shitty moments, but also some really great moments. I feel like 2019 was the year where I discovered a lot about myself and my comfort zone and I really saw my growth throughout these past twelve months. I did things that I never thought I would do and even though not everything turned out the way I wanted it to, I don’t regret a single decision I made this year. I have no idea what 2020 will hold, but I’m ready to put on a brave face and conquer whatever the world throws at me.

So let’s take a look at what happened in 2019 and what I hope for in 2020!

2019

• CEGEP: In May I graduated from the two year program that is required in Quebec before you can go to University. CEGEP was really really hard for me, but despite all my struggles, I grew tremendously throughout these past two years; both as a student and as a person. Even though I was glad to leave, I can’t help but look back at my time with fondness.
• Public Speaking: This was my last semester TAing for a public speaking class( which was hands down the highlight of my college career) and I’m so grateful for the confidence that this experienced allowed me to have. I came out of CEGEP with a much stronger voice and I am forever grateful that public speaking allowed me to build the skills I always felt I was lacking in.
• Paris: As a graduation present to myself I went to Paris at the end of May which was a little terrifying at first, but once I got the hang of it, it was super fun. I’m so thankful that I have the resources to do something like that and I will treasure those ten days forever. Seeing the paintings that I’ve studied in person was mind-blowing and it was honestly just so cool.
• Camp: In the months of June, July and August I worked at a summer camp for underprivileged youth. I was a camp counselor in 2018 as well, but that was one of the worst experiences of my life. Against my better judgment, I decided to try a different camp and I’m honestly so glad that I did. Working at a sleepaway camp is literally the most insane job ever and the amount of times I broke down was astronomical. I had some incredibly difficult children and I woke up pretty much every day wanting to quit, because the pay was dismal and the days were long and exhausting. Despite all that, it was one of the best experiences of my entire life. The people I met were extraordinary. The campers that didn’t bite me and spit in my face were absolute angels. And the natural beauty was to die for. I challenged myself daily in ways I never could have imagined. For the first time in my life, I didn’t overthink: I just acted. This led to some questionable life decisions, but I wouldn’t change anything that happened this summer. In the months that have followed, I exited the camp haze and reality hit which means that anxiety finally kicked in. So for the past four month I have been overanalyzing literally everything. But despite all that, I don’t regret anything and despite all the things that made the experience almost hell-like, I literally cannot stop thinking about going back. This was hands down the best part of 2019.
• Shawn Mendes: In August, me and my sister saw Shawn Mendes live. After Taylor Swift, he is my favorite artist so this concert was something that we were looking forward to for months. We were content with shitty nose-bleed tickets but the most wildest thing happened. We were sitting in our seats when this guy approached us, saying that he worked for Shawn Mendes and that he was giving us floor tickets. My sister was skeptical but I thought “what the heck” and HE LED US TO FRONT ROW TICKETS. WE WERE AGAINST THE GATE. SHAWN MENDES WAS TEN FEET AWAY FROM ME AND HE LOOKED AT ME. It was the most insane experience of my entire life and I still can’t believe that it actually happened.
• University: In September I started university at McGill. I’m majoring in Secondary English Education. University isn’t quite what I expected and the further I go along my educational journey, the more I’m convinced that higher-education is merely an elitist and classist concept that is lorded over those who can’t afford the privilege. Despite that, this semester was pretty decent. I started writing for one of the school’s newspapers which was really fun and the first time that I’ve really written non-fiction outside of school so that was really interesting.
• NanoWriMo: This November I did Nano for the first time since 2015. I did at a time when all my assignments were due, I was on a three week internship and I was actually kind of of being social for once, so it wasn’t the best time to commit to writing a novel. I didn’t end up writing 50k, but I made a lot of progress with my story and I’ve been working on it ever since. I’m really proud of what I’ve written so far and it’s honestly one of the most cohesive and narratively coherent drafts I’ve ever written which is really exciting.
• Mental Health: As has been the case for the past two and half years, my mental health has been…. bad to say the least. It seems that no matter what I do my anxiety will always control my life and depression will come and go as it pleases. However this year I finally did the smart thing and started seeing a therapist regularly. I’m still struggling a lot, but it’s nice to have a place where I can just unload it all. Also this year, I made a revelatory discovery about myself. One of the friends I made at camp is on the autism spectrum and during camp he had asked if I was also on the spectrum because I was having meltdowns left and right. I told it him it was just social anxiety but him asking triggered a curiosity in me, something that I had never looked into before. And for the past four months or so, I’ve been researching the topic and though I can’t be 100% certain, I think I’m on the spectrum. It makes a lot of things much more clearer and illuminates why I experience the world in the way I do. I don’t think I’m going to seek out an official diagnosis, but having this bit of information in the back of my head really helps to put things into perspective which I’m really grateful for.

2020

Writing: I want to finish writing the book I started out for Nano. I then want to rewrite the majority of my other novel: Dried Roses. Having a writing project that isn’t what I’ve been working for the past five years really puts thing into perspective and allowed me to gain the much needed distance required to make major editorial decisions. I really want 2020 to be the year where I make Dried Roses into the book of my dreams so that hopefully 2021 might be the year where I finally find the courage to start to query.

Blogging: 2019 was not a year for blogging. I wrote two blog posts in the second half of 2019. I could say that it was because of a lack of time, but that’s total bogus. I love blogging, but I just always struggle to find the motivation to do so. But even though I say this literally every single year, I really want 2020 to be the year where I put a conscious effort into this blog and the book community

Book Con: So I’m still not completely sure but I’ve been seriously considering going to Book Con this year. I’ve heard some mixed things about it, but I’ve always wanted to go to a book convention and I also really want to go somewhere once I finish the winter semester, so it’d be a great way to kill two birds with one stone. We shall see though.

Personal Life: I really don’t know what this year will hold for me, but I just hope that I’ll be able to survive to the best of my capabilities. I’ve learnt to not get my hopes up, but I just want to try to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be. Here’s to 2020 being the year that I am finally capable of being comfortable with who I am.

How Was Your 2019? What Are Your Goals for 2020? Let Me Know in The Comments Down Below!

Favorite Books of 2019

So 2019 has been a really weird year reading wise. I read a lot of books, and enjoyed most of them, but the way I feel about reading has really changed drastically in these past six months or so. I just don’t feel the same inclination to read that I used to and I struggle a lot to connect with what I’m reading. I’m not sure if that is a product of the books I’m reading or if has something to do with me, but it’s something that I’m trying to figure out. With that being said, I read some really phenomenal books this year and I just wanted to talk a little bit about them.

1. The Start of You and Me by Emery Lord

This was such a strong contemporary. It had one of my favorite tropes where “the love interest was right under the mc’s nose this whole time” The chemistry was amazing. The friend group was wonderful. And there was some really beautiful hard hitting moments. It was the perfect mix of serious and fluffy, and I loved every second of it. The novel ended in a very satisfying manner, but I also read the sequel this year and while The Start of You and Me stands on its own, think that the Map From Here to There really elevated the overall narrative. Highly recommend both of them.

2. The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

You know sometimes I think that I’ve read every possible iteration of a WW2 novel that’s possible and that nothing can shock me, and then books like The Nightingale go prove me horribly wrong. This was such a fascinating novel and I loved every second of it. It was beautiful and tragic and everything I could hope for in a historical fiction book. The characters were so incredibly complex and flawed and I loved seeing their development throughout the book. The ending broke me and had in tears which is really all you could ever ask for in a book.

3. This Adventure Ends by Emma Mills.

Review

I read Foolish Hearts two year ago and fell head over heels with Mills’ characters, romance, and writing. I finally got around to reading her other books and I am in completely in love. She is a master at writing contemporaries. The way she balances the family, friend, and relationship dynamics is exquisite and I love how multi-faceted all of her books are. Out of the three I read this year, This Adventure Ends was definitely my favorite (though Small Town Hearts and First & Then are equally amazing). It had serious The Perks of Being a Wallflower vibes which made the love the book all the more. Sloane was such a relatable character and I just loved her so much. Emma Mills is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors and I can’t wait to read her new book next year.

4. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I’m always scared to read books that are hyped in the way that The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Everyone on Twitter is obsessed with this book and I was really worried that I wasn’t going to feel the same way. Thankfully, this book not only met my expectations, but also exceeded them. This was such a beautiful historical fiction novel and Evelyn Hugo was such a believable character. She felt like so real. This book had me in tears multiple times and I just loved every single second of it.

5. The Wise and the Wicked by Rebecca Podos

Review

Lately I’ve been having more and more trouble reading anything that has fantastical elements, but this book blew me away. It was such a beautiful and lyrical book that had me enthralled from start to finish. It was thematically interesting, the characters were really well developed and the love interest was incredibly swoon-worthy. All in all an amazing magical realism book.

6. The Mighty Heart of Sunny Ste James by Ashley Herring Blake

I’m really not a big fan of middle grade novels simply because I find it difficult to look past the juvenile writing and appreciate all the other elements. But this book broke me. It was so bittersweet and wonderful, and I would’ve loved to read a book like this when I was younger. The romance was so cute and adorable and there needs to be more middle grade books that feature LGBTQ characters. My favorite part was definitely the complex relationship she had with her mom and seeing it play out throughout the novel was absolutely heartbreaking. It was such a lovely book and I would recommend it to people of all ages.

7. Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Another twitter favorite that I was worried that I wasn’t going to like. But damn was this good. I don’t typically read New Adult books but I’m really glad that I made the exception for this one. The humour and banter of this book was impeccable and I’m so excited to see what Casey McQuiston writes next. The dynamic between Henry and Alex was on point and their chemistry was to die for. It was just such a fun read and one of those books that was a blast to read from start to finish.

8. Small Town Hearts by Lillie Vale

Review

If I had to pick a favourite it’d probably be Small Town Hearts. It’s such a beautifully atmospheric summer read that had me yearning. The main character, Babe, was iconic. The love interest was swoon-worthy. The setting was perfect and had me wishing it was a real town. It was everything that I could possibly ask for in a contemporary novel and more. I honestly haven’t heard many people talk about this one, which makes me sad because it’s such a great book. It deserves more hype and is the perfect read to make you forget the cold weather outside.

9. With The Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo

I finally got around to reading both books by Elizabeth Acevedo and damn is she amazing. Her prose are lyrical and exquisite and had me hanging on to her every word. She captures the raw emotions and feelings of her characters so well. She’s phenomenal. I loved Poet X a lot as well, but this one had stellar food descriptions so I favour this one just a little more. She deserves all the accolades she has received and more. I can’t wait to see what she has up her sleeve next.

10. Tell Me How You Really Feel by Aminah Mae Safi

This is the sapphic enemies to lovers book of my dreams. It had everything I could possibly hope for in a book like this and I loved every single second of it. I absolutely adored seeing the two MCs go from hating each other to falling in love with each other. Enemies to lovers is always a guaranteed win for me and then add in a romance between two girls and you’ve just found my next favourite book. I also just want to revel in the glory that is the cover. I really hope 2020 is the year where we see more covers like these; the only thing better than a f/f book is a f/f book with an explicitly sapphic cover.

How was your 2019? What were your favorite books? Did you read any of the ones I mentioned? Let Me Know In The Comments Down Below!